so the last post was almost finished i have a few more things i put down on the old note book...
we try so hard 2 be normal/different/not weird/unique/accepted/ and whatever else I forgot... we look for a systematic,scientific, contradictory, philosophy of life (my grammar will be extra hideous today sorry) that fits in with our desires and motivations. we go along constantly tweaking standards and ways of thinking, temperaments, and other things of that nature, in order to be more homogeneous to ourselves and others... (not sure if this makes sens as i rewrite it) God takes care of all of it [we can identify completely and loose ourselves in him... and then find ourselves again :O) ]...i know it sounds like a cop out to some people but its acom's razor. life was and is so simple before we over complicate it with disobedience and separation from/to God. I'm not saying its easy to walk completely in accordance with his will (it should be...but we muck it all up). i am saying we don't have to have the answers/rely on ourselves/be right/wrong. we just enjoy life celebrate God and just do what he says and we can be happy never "getting there" we can enjoy being "not finished" or "finished" just love God with all our might!
while i was still at the bar a few weeks ago..."hhmmm... to those who know) i'm in a bar again.. not getting drunk... not worried or nervous about being here.... it's a brand new experience... actively praying for people around me and n0t "scared" of alcohol or people or "what might happen". I know i wont fall back into my old ways.
hhhm squared....the slow pour still escapes America (lol)we need more Gueness taps and spoons.
my heart sometimes feels like a dark place that craves God's light... sometimes it feels like it is slipping through my fingers like water cupped in my hand.
i wish I could have some great epiphany (3 amigos/hook movies) and have an impact on the world... am I destined to mediocrity? am I ok with that? am i ok with it if that is what God wants? <- really? LOL
the indifference of men...sucks
put a face on and get paid?
so that was probably a little more random than the last one but i will keep up the word jumbo as long as it keeps getting read.
by the way let me tell you how much i don't like not talking to christina. its not that bad of a feeling until isit and think about it... hey i can;t call her if i want to or if i have something i want to tell her... :O( i am glad she is where she is thought... untill her angelic voice meets my anguished ears again... i will distract myself with good food, good friends, studying, and disk golf... what a life!