Monday, February 11, 2008
about those thoughts
ok so here goes the thoughts i wrote down from the other night... I almost always feel the need to ;"help", "correct" or "set right injustices"... meaning a balancing of the scales... I get cought up in the equalization of almost everything in life (to a much greater extent before i gave my life to Christ... God is good). "an eye for an eye" is what i used to say. and i still feel that way to some degree. and its not even with people who have wronged me. its with joking and other things in everyday relationships.the thing i have a hard time with is that things aren't equal... life isn't fair. God didn't make it that way. then why am i left with this overwhelming urge to "act"? to not sit back and do nothing. in some cases this urge is very good and in others very bad. some times i am glad that God has not presented me with many oppertunities to "do something"... i dont know how far i would take correcting injustices. i would run in head first... this made me think of the book i am reading for the becoming a contagious christian class... in one of the temperment questions it asks if you are the kind of person that thinks " make a difference, make a mess, but do something". i thought right away "wow... they just summed it up". i look for oppertunities to jump in and "help" wanted or not (refering to people in actual trouble, with themselves or other people). I feel like a handcuffed vigilanty. tied down to my seat not taking action because... people should learn on their own, or its not my place, or they get what they diserve, or maybe God wants it that way.sometimes i get trapped in "philosophy" of my own or others and i don't hold fast to God's word (often i dont even know what God's word is). other times i let myself give in to the excuses... so i don't know exactly what all that means but it's a jumble of things i think about regularly... any coments concerns would be greatly appreciated and i have more but i am getting tired so look forward to that later... oh and Simon i don't know if this is how you do it but i am going to make an attempt anyway.